Dear Amy: I think it’s time for pet owners to take a closer look at their beliefs and behavior and give pet-free people a break.
My mother and uncle struggled with animal allergies, and the problems ranged from annoying skin lesions and irritated eyes to alarming breathing problems.
Seeing similar problems start with me, I promised myself I would never have pets. My health is better as a result.
Please stop looking at me as unfriendly as I don’t want to pet your dog or cat or let your bird sit on me no matter if allergies are a factor.
Please don’t tell me my allergies aren’t real because you can’t see them.
Please leave your pets at home when you come to see me.
Please stop telling me that volunteering at the shelter would change your mind.
Please don’t tell me it’s something I shouldn’t complain about “because if you had a pet you’d understand.”
No vet bills
Best no vet: I understand why people think of their pets as “relatives”, but some people use this as an excuse for any choice regarding their pets.
Family members need boundaries! (Do you take your toddler to a place where you know she’s not welcome? Do you let Aunt Harriet poop on your neighbor’s lawn?)
Allergies aren’t the only reason some people don’t want to be around animals, and yes, zookeepers should respect other people’s choices.
Dear Amy: My father recently passed away. I am the child of his first wife. He also had a child with his second wife, whom he was married to for 50 years.
My half brother and I get along very well.
Our father’s obituary was written in such a way that it sounded as if his second wife was his only wife, with no mention of my mother.
Dad was prominent in his field, and his Wikipedia article makes no mention of his marriage to my mother either. My name and the names of my children are acknowledged, but the implication is that I am the child of his second wife.
My mother never got over my father’s infidelity and desertion. She’s hurt that she was written out like that.
Do I have to say something to my brother to change this so that my mother is recognized in his history? Should obituaries and biographies be truthful about exes?
I lived my life on tiptoe around the animosity between my parents, and I wish this sad saga was over.
Loving but sad daughter
Dear Loving: Many obituaries are actually ‘obituaries’ written by relatives and/or funeral homes.
Strictly speaking, obituaries are written by journalists and published in newspapers and magazines. Obituaries try to tell the story of one’s life, and yes, they should be factually correct.
If your half-brother wrote the message, he intentionally and erroneously left out your mother’s name, as relatives sometimes do (some relatives of the deceased even write competing obituaries, including various information about their loved one).
Perhaps he did that to protect his own mother’s feelings or reputation.
Whoever put together your father’s Wikipedia page may have used the obituary as the source and erroneously omitted your mother’s name.
Your brother may have also written or edited the Wikipedia article, intentionally omitting your mother’s name.
Biographies and Wikipedia entries must be factually correct.
This Wikipedia article needs to be revised. You could edit it yourself, and you should let your brother know that you are concerned that information about your father’s life is not only inaccurate, but also hurtful to you, as it erases your mother’s identity and creates the wrong impression. regarding your own identity.
Unfortunately, the long-lasting dynamic in your family probably won’t end – not even with the death of your father. But maybe it’s time you stopped walking on your toes.
Dear Amy: Like “Constantly Tuned In,” I also need a TV to catch up on, which distracts my mind so I can sleep.
As an adult, I realized that this TV dependence was the result of hearing my mother watch TV in the living room after going to bed in my childhood. It was comforting.
I now keep the TV in another room (once in a closet!) or in a TV cabinet with doors. Then I have the sound without the flickering light.
I sleep soundly and soundly.
Dear Consolation: I appreciate the antecedent of your habit – and applaud your solution!
You can email Amy Dickinson at firstname.lastname@example.org or send a letter to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.